worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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