remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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