hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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