honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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