i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
