Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
