Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
