I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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