6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
