So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I could make wine with my vomit
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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