You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
