I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
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