were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
They are going to name an STD after you.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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