I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
