I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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