he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
