margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
