There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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