Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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