Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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