Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
