I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
