Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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