Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Girls should come with a carfax report
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize