just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
