Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
