Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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