its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Randomize
