seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
