Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Randomize
