i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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