I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
