and you said cock pushups were impossible
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
