oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
