I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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