Yo dont text me then not text me
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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