Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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