for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
