Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
