i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Randomize
