He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
