She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I wish i was in the wii world.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
