I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
