I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
