I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
