this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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