He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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