Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
