so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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