Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Randomize
