According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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