You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Randomize
