remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
