I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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