Soap is not a condiment
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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