all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I have tasted many bathrooms
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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