There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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