Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
