While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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