no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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