Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
