so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Help me help you realize you are a moron
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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