College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
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