***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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