There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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