i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
