so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
