We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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