24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I can't turn off my feet"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
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