Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
