We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
