one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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