I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize