Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
