People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
