Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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