Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
