I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
