just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Randomize