hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
