i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Randomize
