All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
