another moral hangover. fuck.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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