I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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