If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
foreskin is a definite game changer
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
