Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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