If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
